Apples and Mulberries

Busy day at work today, with financial data, market shares, comments, phone calls. It is strange but I find myself feeling more and more distant to that world. It is a bit sad as I’ve spent many years studying and working with numbers. And now, as I begin to feel, for the first time in my life that the knowledge is accumulating and my skills are sharpening, I realize that this is not where I want to be.

It’s like planting an orchard. Or just an apple tree.
You plant the seed, you water it, you see the tree growing, you kill all the weeds, you take care of it. And finally one day you see the apples, with their bright green colour, shining under the afternoon sun. And you realize that although you’ve very much enjoyed those 11 years and you are very proud of your tree, you do not want to eat the apples. And you feel empty in a way…and scared.

I now find myself surrounded by green apples but without any desire whatsoever to make an apple pie. Nor sage-seared pork cutlets with apples. Not even a simple bowl of grated apple with sugar and cinnamon my mother used to make for us when we were kids.

And although what I want becomes clearer as time goes by and I know that my life is not in financial data but in recipes and ingredients and food and ideas, I still feel a bit scared. Scared but relieved at the same time.

Because as my sister says (and everyone else I’m sure), life really is too short. I should have known that food is my life. For you see when I cook or read about food my eyes sparkle. I feel alive. I feel passionate and strong. I feel free. For the first time in my life, I feel fulfilled. And once you’ve experienced that you can never go back to growing apples. You just have to find a way to plant another tree. A mulberry tree this time...