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Give it to me.

Sometimes one needs to go into the kitchen. Me, I cook daily. By cooking, I don’t mean necessarily that I’ll prepare something elaborate. It could be just a bloody steak. Or I’ll chop some vegetables for my sister to have for lunch.
Lately it’s become clear to me how much I need that daily interaction with the kitchen. And like most things one needs, it’s frustrating. Because you know, one can’t always cook. Life happens. Things happen.
I do not know though why I get so agitated when I can’t cook. But I do. I feel jittery. I can’t focus to work on other things. Hours go by and I am sitting in front of my laptop, passively browsing, unable to focus. I should be working. I should be preparing things. I should be doing so much more than sitting in front of a bright screen feeling nostalgic about my chopping board. I get angry, mostly at myself.
There is this feeling of loss of control, of neediness that infuses time spent away from the kitchen. Why do I need this so much, I often won…

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